The Silent Barrier to Black Breastfeeding: Not Seeing Ourselves

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The Insider Truth

A woman once told me she didn’t want her baby to get “too attached.” She explained that she had to go back to work in just a few weeks. To her, breastfeeding felt like a setup for heartbreak. The longer the baby depended on her, the harder the separation would be. Her story stayed with me. Not because she lacked love for her child, but because she was forced to make a choice no mother should have to make: between connection and survival. My own truth is that I didn’t grow up hearing much about Black women and breastfeeding. What I noticed most was the silence. I rarely saw breastfeeding in books, on television, or in the pamphlets at the doctor’s office. I didn’t see it in my family, at church, or in my social circles. That absence spoke its own message. When something is missing everywhere you look, it begins to feel like it isn’t meant for you.

The Problem of Representation

Representation matters because it tells us what is possible and what belongs to us. When Black mothers are invisible in breastfeeding education, media, and community spaces, it sends the message that breastfeeding is not ours to claim. Without visible role models, it is easy to believe the stereotype that Black women simply do not want to breastfeed. In reality, desire is not the issue. The issue is that too many of us have never seen ourselves represented in the act of breastfeeding. And when you never see something reflected back at you, it can feel out of reach.

The Real Barriers

Systemic

Hospitals often hand out formula samples before breastfeeding is established. Staff may not offer the same level of lactation support to Black mothers. Lactation consultants are rarely available overnight, when many new mothers are struggling most. Even in educational materials, Black mothers are underrepresented. Workplaces add another layer. Black women are more likely to return to work earlier and less likely to have paid maternity leave. Pumping breaks are inconsistent, and private spaces for expressing milk are not always available. One of my clients worked as a cashier in an outdoor gas station booth. She had no choice but to wear her pump while working straight through her shift because it was the only option available to her. It may sound unbelievable, but it was her reality.

Cultural

Generational trauma has silenced breastfeeding in many Black families. From wet nursing during slavery to aggressive formula marketing in the 20th century, the thread of tradition was cut. Mothers and grandmothers who did not breastfeed often pass down discouragement instead of guidance. “Just give the baby a bottle.” “Formula was fine for you.” These words are born of survival, not malice, but they still weaken support for the next generation.

Personal

When systemic and cultural pressures collide, mothers feel isolated. If breastfeeding becomes hard, the message they hear is that they failed. The shame is real. Many stop earlier than they wanted to and carry guilt that was never theirs to begin with. Without representation and support, the silence deepens.

Why This Matters

When we ignore representation, we let silence speak louder than truth. It is not that Black women do not want to breastfeed. It is that they have not been shown enough visible pathways, role models, or support to make it their own. This matters because silence becomes its own barrier. It robs mothers of dignity and erases the resilience of those who fight to breastfeed against all odds. Without representation, many women never see breastfeeding as something possible for them.

A New Mindset: Reclaiming the Story

Reclaiming breastfeeding is about making it visible again. Every mother who chooses to nurse is not only feeding her child but restoring an image that others can look to. Each act of visibility challenges the silence that kept breastfeeding out of reach.

Breastfeeding is not about willpower alone. It is about nourishment, support, and the knowledge that should have been passed down but was interrupted. When Black mothers breastfeed, they carry both history and hope, and they make space for the next generation to see themselves reflected.

What You Can Do

If you are preparing to breastfeed, here are steps to help shift the story in your own family:

• Learn: Take time before birth to understand latch, supply, and common challenges. Breastfeeding is a skill, not a given.

• Nourish: Protect your body with warm foods, hydration, and rest. Cultural foods and herbal teas are not luxuries; they are medicine.

• Support: Build a team that will not shame you. Talk with your partner, lean on a doula, or ask family members to step in with meals and chores.

Most of all, know that breastfeeding success is not measured by perfection. It is measured by whether you had the support you needed to make the choices that felt right for you and your baby.

In Closing

The woman who told me she didn’t want her baby to get too attached was not rejecting breastfeeding. She was guarding herself against disappointment from a culture that does not make it easy for Black mothers to reach their breastfeeding goals.

Her story, and my own story of rarely seeing breastfeeding represented, both reveal the same truth: visibility matters. Black mothers do not struggle because they lack desire. They struggle because barriers are higher, traditions were fractured, and support is too often missing. They struggle because they have not seen enough examples that breastfeeding belongs to them. You deserve more than discouragement.

You deserve tools that reflect your reality. That is why I created the Black Woman’s Breastfeeding Kit. Inside you will find:

• Reflection sheets to clarify your breastfeeding priorities.

• Planning tools for common scenarios.

• Nourishment practices rooted in cultural wisdom.

• Guidance for building a support circle that will not let you go through this alone.

Breastfeeding should not be about choosing between attachment and survival. With preparation, nourishment, support, and visible representation, you can step into it with strength and care.

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Written by Kendra Lonon, Doula & Educator

Every reflection is drawn from my real experiences supporting families through birth and postpartum. I write from a place of bridging motherhood and birthwork, connecting professional insight with real, lived experience.I share what most guides won’t so you can prepare, recover, and make informed choices with confidence. Explore the full collection of thoughtfully created planning tools.